Time to Make Fun of What I Worry About

Here's a good way to cause premature balding:

1. Start a country.
2. Through the process of socialization, emphasize and prove this pattern of success: good jobs --> $$$ --> happiness, the perfect spouse, your parents' approval, acceptance in society, homelessnesslessness, a white picket fence, cute kids, and everything you've ever wanted.

Oh, wait, we've already done that. Check and check. See, here's the problem. There are a lot of college students in the U.S., and even though they're all very different, there are two things that the vast majority of them have been hearing all their lives:

1. "You can be whatever you want when you grow up!"
2. "Get a good job so that you can be happy (and so that we can brag about you to our friends and so that you won't be homeless and so that you'll have cute kids)."

Way to put on the pressure, huh? Not only will one decision determine the rest of my future, but the decision is mine alone, and so if I'm a screw-up, we all know whose fault it is.

The pressure only increases when college students realize their time is up. 

Remember in high school, when you cutely told everyone you weren't really sure what you wanted to be yet? Their reply was, "Aww, you have plenty of time!" Not so anymore, my friend. 

The result? Thousands and thousands of college students hit a midlife crisis before they even graduate. What do they do? Probably exactly what I did.

1. Use Google.

2. Make a list of all your choices, ordered by preference.

2. Make a list of all your choices, ordered by salary.

3. Create a point system.

4. Add up all the points.

 6. Find the highest ranking job.

6. Apply for that job.

6. Don't get the job.

7. Get a different job or apply for grad school.

Don't worry, someday we'll get our dream jobs. If anyone has a clue as to how, please let me know. All the best to my fellow graduates, job hunters, and impractical, arts-lovin' dreamers. Au revoir!